Beverley Pomeroy
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12/18/2016 1 Comment

Shifting from Living Grief to Being with Dying...

​My stomach churns with worry, my mind races with uncertainty, my heart beats deep with anticipatory loss.  We are in hospice, my beautiful daughter finding peace in a still unknown and unfinished journey…
 
C.S. Lewis in his A Grief Observed reveals that “No one ever told me that grief was so much like fear.  I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid.  The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning.  I keep swallowing.”
 
I have been living in grief for so long, I naively thought I would be prepared for being with dying.  But I’m not.  And I am pulling on every resource I have to be present, to bear witness and remain an advocate for my daughter.
 
I’m raw, vulnerable, tender in spots I never felt before; collapsing into sobs that rack my body hours later.  I have foregone the makeup and any futile attempts to normalize what suffering looks like.  I can no longer hide my tear filled eyes or wipe the sadness from my face amid the deep deep sense of helplessness that has washed over me.
 
Roshi Joan Halifax writes, “The ultimate relationship we can have is with someone who is dying. Here we are often brought to grief, whether we know it or not. Grief can seem like an unbearable experience. But for those of us who have entered the broken world of loss and sorrow, we realize that in the fractured landscape of grief we can find the pieces of our life that we ourselves have forgotten.”
 
I can only hope that on the other side of my sorrow I’m able find the pieces of my life that I have forgotten.  That I will have the strength to open my eyes, to practice humility, and heal what right now seems unbearable.
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1 Comment
Candace
12/18/2016 11:11:51 pm

Beverly.... my hearts weeps as i read this knowing you are writing this pouring out from your mamas heart. I am here myself in the quiet and seeing your post my prayer is for somehow you are able to feel the love and. comfort of those around you. this unspeakable and inexplicable journey you are both sharing - one as a beloved daughter with numbered days and you as a mother who can never reconcile seeing your baby this way. i hurt for you ..... 🙏🙏💕💕 i hold you up before the God of compassion who will one day make sense of it all but for now i weep with you precious sister. 😓😓💕💕🙏🙏

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    Author

    Beverley Pomeroy is an awarded and highly sought after Community Engagement Strategist, Speaker, Author of Living Grief; The Profound Journey of Ongoing Loss. Beverley’s community service began with a fifteen year career in private health care working for MDS Inc (LifeLabs). This community health care role developed her acumen not only for serving people in need, but also her strength in business management and organizational renewal. 

    Beverley’s journey began 15 years ago when her youngest child, Sophia, was born with a life limiting, life threatening disease.  Beverley has married her professional experience with this lived experience as a family care giver to bring you both an educational and intimate look into supporting family care givers on this profound journey of ongoing loss.

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